You’re in the prime of your life and you love to throw those crazy parties, the kind guests rave about for months afterward. They love that your backyard is a giant Slip-n-Slide hosed down by a fountain of beer. That you hire the best DJs with stage names like “DJ Hot Wing” and “DJ Jak Reach Her” shows your coolness level is off the charts. Alcohol flows from the taps in your kitchen and bath. Speakers the size of minivans pump out the jams at levels that drown out the sounds of the police helicopters hovering overhead. Neighbors have 911 on supersonic speed dial.

Yeah, those kinds of parties.

Your career as a top bestselling author is over the moon successful, the factor that funds your extravagent lifestyle. So successful, actually, that each of the 200 books you published last year are selling at the rate 450 per second. Lifetime and Netflix have purchased the rights to your entire backlist. Your latest book, Dark and Stormy Night, It Was, was just made into a blockbuster hit movie starring Jodie Foster and PeeWee Herman.

Reviewers say you’re destined to be remembered along with the greats of the thriller genre, such as Hitchcock and Edgar Allan Doe.

Edgar Allan Doe

Unfortunately, for you and your fans, four unwelcome party-crashers showed up at your latest shindig. Together, those four compadres who arrived one at a time—-the Mortis triplets and their cousin Demise—transformed your body into a cold and soulless and stiff chunk of instantly decomposing meat.

The process started back when you opted for a combination of liquor, cigarettes,and practically no sleep, over a healthy diet and exercise. You chose partying over the “right things” in life. Your excessive boozing and lack of responsibility, in fact, drove the family away from you and your circus-like lifestyle. And the moment they left, taking with them the last remaining bit of sanity in the household, was the point in time when the four party-crashers began eyeballing you as the perfect candidate for their plan. That was also the time when you started your dealings with the guy whose Uncle Vinnie operated a business out the a rear office in the Pleasure Palace strip club.

As your luck went, you’d decided to sleep with Vinnie’s wife and then Vinnie found out and he sent Demise to your party. Demise asked his cousins to tag along.

The Party-Crashers

Demise is the first of the crashers to the party. In fact, he always shows up before the others, but they’re never far behind.

Hi, my name is Demise

It’s Demise’s job to stop your heart and halt your breathing. He starts the changes to your body.

For example, the second Demise strikes, the skin begins to pale (pallor) and the muscles immediately begin to relax—all of them, which can produce some pretty unpleasant effects around the south end of the body, if you know what I mean. Then Demise steps aside to allow the Mortis triplets to do their thing.

The Mortis Triplets

The Mortis brothers, —Livor, Algor, and Rigor show up to the party separately, one at a time, and when they arrive … well, let’s just say the host is the center of their attention. And boy do they ever “spoil” him.

Algor mortis is simply the cooling down of the body after death. It’s the quest to reach room temperature.

One method of determining the time of death is to take the rectal temperature of the deceased. Next, subtract that number from 98.6 (average, normal human body temp), and then divide the remaining number by 1.5 (the average cooling rate of a body per hour under average conditions). The result is the approximate number of hours that passed after the victim kicked the bucket.

Livor Mortis, or lividity, is the pooling of blood in the lowest portions of the body. Lividity is caused by gravity and begins immediately after death. The telltale signs of livor mortis, the purplish discoloration of the skin, begins the moment the heart stops pumping. This process continues for approximately 6-12 hours, depending upon surrounding conditions, until it becomes fixed, permanently staining the tissue in the lowest parts of the body. When large areas become engorged with lividity, the capillaries in those areas sometimes rupture causing what’s known as Tardieu spots. Tardieu spots present as round, brownish blacks spots.

Rigor Mortis, the contracting and stiffening of the muscles after death, takes a couple of hours to begin and completes in approximately 8-12 hours. The process starts in the smaller muscles of the head and face and moves downward to the larger muscles. When rigor is complete, the process reverses itself starting with the lower large muscles and ending with the smaller face and head muscles. The entire process can last for approximately 48 hours. The body will quickly decompose after rigor is complete.

A person’s body goes stiff in the position they were in at the time of death.

Therefore, if a person died while lying on his back with one arm held straight up and the other straight out to the side, and the police discovered that same body in a bathtub, they’d probably conclude that someone moved the victim after death had occurred. After all, no one sits in a bathtub with their arms in those types of positions … do they? By the way, cops should not automatically rule out things simply because they’re different. Still, in the bathtub with one hand aimed skyward and the other pointing to a tube of Preparation H, a clump of tangled bobby pins, and a tin of ear wax remover. Yeah, somebody moved this one.

– Rigor mortis can cause contraction of the muscles in the epidermis, which also causes goose bumps to appear.

– Hair and fingernails do not continue to grow after someone dies. The skin around them begins to recede after death, which gives the appearance that they’re still growing.

– Age, illness, ambient temperature, fat distribution, and physical exertion just prior to death can all affect the rate of rigor mortis

When the triplets complete their tasks, well, the party’s over.

Sweet dreams …

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