Each year on the last day of December I travel to a secret location where I meet with my friend Madam Zelda to learn her predictions for the coming year. The mysterious clairvoyant is so good at what she does that she’s rarely, if ever, wrong. The woman is uncanny.
So, in keeping with year-end tradition, Madam Zelda did a reading for us this morning and she’s confident 2019 will be fantastic. Here’s a list of her top fourteen predictions. Believe me, she’s always right … sometimes.
Here goes …
- California will enact new law requiring all laws to be law, unless exceptions and exemptions are needed to make the law a bit less lawful to avoid hurting the feelings of criminals.
- California police officers will no longer have powers of arrest. Instead, their new duty is to be the punching bags of politicians and criminals, which are often one and the same. Can’t tell them apart …
- Due to the large number of people now residing in California, the government will be forced to divide the land mass into two separate states—Regular California and the State of Homelessness.
- Since defecating on the streets and public sidewalks in San Francisco is legal, plumbing will be officially banned and become obsolete in California. Roto-Rooter will file for bankruptcy.
- San Francisco plumbers will assume lead roles in a newly formed San Francisco Department of Public Crapping, the SFDPC. Some spots will be filled by former Roto-Rooter employees.
- A murder will occur in Baltimore, D.C., and Chicago.
- Someone will cross the border from Mexico and the U.S. and someone will do the same in the opposite direction.
- Politicians will have better health care than the people who elected them into office.
- Someone will “sling mud” in an upcoming run for political office.
- Straw purchases take on a new meaning in California.
- Someone will believe everything they see on social media.
- A writer will have a character smell cordite at a crime scene.
- I will absolutely lose my mind when I see number 12 in a book.
- A BIG announcement is forthcoming. Madam Zelda believes it has something to do with “After Midnight.”