“She stands in the harbor in the city of dreams
American beauty
Prettiest face I’ve ever seen
American beauty.

And she holds a torch and she won’t let go
I love her with all my heart and soul
I’d give my life to keep her free
American beauty, American beauty
American beauty, American beauty”

~ The Oak Ridge Boys

 

Earlier today, at approximately 2 a.m. EST, in a top secret meeting attended by judges, politicians, police chiefs and sheriffs from across the country, it was decided that…

  1. All police officers will be provided designated safe spaces where they may go when things get tough on the streets. Criminals, rock- and bottle-throwers, protestors, politicians, and other cop-haters may not enter these safe areas. It was also ordered that no crimes may be committed while officers are in their safe spaces. This is a lawful “timeout.”
  2. Since bad guys are no longer intimidated by an officer’s sidearm, starting today all police officers will replace the firearms in their holsters with boxes of chalk. Then, when facing deadly encounters with violent people the officer will quickly unholster a stick of chalk and quickly write #Trump2016 on the pavement. It is believed that since the phrase causes college students to fear for their lives the tactic should easily work on armed crooks as well.
  3. An early morning protest outside the official meeting place quickly turned violent when members of the ME,ME,ME Lives Matter group began arguing amongst themselves over which member should toss the first rock at police guarding the perimeter.
  4. Starting in 2017, police will no longer have the authority to arrest humans. Instead, they will be required to stand still while receiving punches, kicks, and incoming rounds from mostly illegal firearms. To make it easier for citizens to land a strike, each officer’s uniform will be outfitted with a bright red bulls eye (removable for easy cleanup). Patrol cars are also required to feature a bulls eye on each car door.
  5. Beginning immediately, it is mandatory that officers be shot at least 18 times before they’re allowed to draw their weapons. Even then, they may not return fire until first determining that suspects are at least 21 years of age, they are not in the process of “turning their lives around,” and that they are not suffering from “I hate all cops syndrome.” If either of these conditions exists the officer must stand perfectly still to provide a better target for the shooter. A late-added addendum to the new rule also states that officers may not return fire if a family member says the shooter is a “good person.”
  6. A new law going into effect July 1st replaces criminal trials and parole and police review boards with Facebook comments. In lieu of jury proceedings, Facebook commenters will then decide the fates of all accused criminals. Therefore, the list of people who no longer have to worry about going to prison includes, attractive people, people who’ve posed for photos while wearing a cap and gown, anyone who shoots a cop, and anyone and everyone who posts puppy photos on Facebook. People who will go to prison by default—cops, politicians, and people who don’t agree with someone’s posts.
  7. Traffic tickets and arrest warrants will totally disappear in the fall of 2016. Social media has declared them as “unfair” because people simply don’t like to be bothered with obeying stupid laws, such as reckless driving and murder. Texting while driving will then become mandatory for all drivers, especially teens. Everyone is required to text at least twice while driving on the freeway at 80mph.
  8. It was decided that police may no longer patrol high crime areas so as to not hurt the feelings of criminals who rape, rob, steal, and kill in those sections of towns. Gang members have been called on to enforce the laws those neighborhoods and business districts.
  9. All CVS pharmacies are required to self-destruct every three years to prevent protestors from scalding their hands when attempting to burn those businesses to the ground.
  10. Each major city is now required to pass out fresh rocks and bottles during active protests. Official rock and bottle forepersons are to inspect and certify each projectile for “ease of toss.” The federal government has established a new 12,000 person department to oversee city rock and bottle deployments. The new Rock and Bottle Czar says their agents will be available to assist municipalities, if needed. There’s also a federal grant available to aid in the purchase of additional handouts, such as bandanas, ski masks, pawn shop guns, and forklifts to make overturning police cars a bit easier. They even have government-trained protestors on standby should a group’s attendance be low at any given time. Trophies will be handed out to all participants.
  11. Police officers are to receive mandatory “Stand Down” training where they’ll learn to suck in their emotions when they’re not allowed to do their jobs while people break the law. Included in this law is the termination of TASER and pepper spray use by police (because they sting and they offend Facebook people), frowns, loud voices, humming the COPS theme song, and looking at people when driving by in a patrol car.
  12. A shocking ruling takes effect on September 1, 2017, requiring that prisons release all inmates back into society. Then, all law abiding citizens are to immediately take up residence in the newly vacated prisons. This will free up a ton of space in the prisons because there are fewer people in the U.S. who’ve never broken a law than those who have. Yet, many of these people (those who’ve broken a law or two but were not caught) are quick to judge those who were caught. You know who you are, you stealers of paper clips and ink pens, and joint smokers. Released prisoners will then be free to destroy the country at will while the new prison residents enjoy the delicious food and comfortable accommodations they’ve bitched about inmates having for so many years. I think there’ll be quite a few minds changed within the first week, or less.

So there you have it. Are you ready for the changes? By the way, this post is entirely tongue-in-cheek. Please don’t turn it into a forum for cop-bashing, politics, gun control, race, or religion, etc. Please… I merely used a few actual news stories as a basis for the post.

~

Later this afternoon, right here on this very blog, I plan to reveal something that’s absolutely cool. The timing is perfect, too, because sometime today, if things continue as they are, this site will have reached a whopping 4 million visitors from all across the world!

~

Today is Friday, the day when I typically honor the officers who died in the line of duty during the week. However, since today is April Fools Day I didn’t think the jovial nature of the day would be an appropriate atmosphere for such a solemn post. Until tomorrow, please keep the families of the fallen officers in your minds and hearts.

Easter egg hunt at Young's dairy

Each year, workers at Young’s Dairy in Yellow Springs, Ohio clear the golf balls from their driving range in order to host the annual Easter egg hunt. The event is free, fun, and exciting for the kids who participate. After the hundreds of scattered eggs have been found, everyone can then enjoy homemade ice cream, the petting zoo, putt-putt golf, batting cages, or a quiet stroll around the grounds.

By the way, the little fellow with the full basket above isn’t so little anymore. He’s now the Ohio State Judo Champion in his division. He’s also our grandson, Tyler.

In addition to training and traveling to tournaments and matches, Tyler writes an interesting and often thought-provoking blog. It’s a look at the world through the eyes of a teen. You might enjoy reading an article or two, and you can do so by clicking HERE.

 

Christmas day with the Loflands

We have a standing Christmas Day tradition—a trip to the beach. So, after presents, a hearty breakfast, twice-checking whatever lists need to be examined, we head out for the coast (which coast, of course, depends upon where we may be living at the time). This year we’re back on the West Coast, and our 2014 beach du jour was Dillon Beach, a few minutes south of Bodega Bay. The journey to the sea was a very brief but scenic excursion through the winding roads and hills of wine country.

So, without further ado, this is the scenery in our neck of the woods. It wasn’t a white Christmas (I do not like snow), but it certainly was gorgeous.

20141225_131808

20141225_133745

20141225_131804

Hey, it’s not my “fault.”

20141225_131915

20141225_132940

20141225_133755

20141225_140405

20141225_133855

crop cows

Himalayan Cattle. Yes, those cows do indeed have bangs. A closer look and you’d swear, according to Denene, they look like Muppets.

20141225_141614(0)

With Thanksgiving clearly out of the picture, this big guy (below) stepped out to great us as we drove into the seaside town of Dillon Beach.

20141225_135955

Denene, weary of all my stops to take photos, decided to take a photo of me taking a picture of the turkey.

IMG_20141225_135956478

And then we arrived at the beach.

Ho, Ho, Ho!

20141225_140516

Here’s a quick video from the same location. Thought you might enjoy seeing and hearing the waves and sea breeze.

Merry Christmas, Everyone!

Top 2017 Predictions

Madam Zelda did a reading for us this morning and she’s confident 2014 will be a fantastic year. Here’s a list of her top ten predictions. Believe me, she’s always right.

1. Someone will record a song without the aid of autotune. It will not be Taylor Swift.

2. To help identify criminal suspects, police will begin to use reflections seen in photographs of the eyes of witnesses and victims.

3. 2014 will be the year of the whistleblower. Seeing that nothing happened to Edward Snowden, more people will come forward with secrets.

4. Justin Bieber will continue to be an annoying and immature brat.

5. Kanye will say something stupid.

7. Sometime during the year Christina Aguilera will wear a low-cut top and too much makeup.

8. The Duck Dynasty men will continue to grow their beards

9. Brittany Spears will lip-sync during her Vegas performances.

10. The 2014 Writers’ Police Academy will be the biggest and best ever.

So there you have it. Looks like a great year for all.

Happy New Year!

*Remember – Drive sober or get pulled over!

Merry Christmas, Everyone!

Almost Christmas, where have they gone

Where have they gone?

Why, it seems like just yesterday when they were here

There was laughter and love

Games and hugs

And bedtime stories

Of giants and beanstalks

Jack Horner and Miss Muffett too

Family meals

School plays

Summertime fun

The beach

Taffy and arcades

A milkshake and some french fries

Special times

Fun times

Why, it was just yesterday when my mother held me in her arms

While an aunt made faces

And funny sounds

Holidays

Easter

Grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles, and cousins

Yes, the cousins

All sizes, all shapes

Boys and girls alike

Colored eggs

Playing in the old barn

Cowboys and cowgirls

Pretend horses and sticks for guns

Toy trucks, and wagon rides

Such fun

Sometimes doing things we knew we shouldn’t

We were carefree

And worried not

Life was forever

Fireflies, hide-and-seek, and freeze tag

A new season

Thanksgiving, Christmas, and the new year

Sleigh bells

Santa

The tree, the lights, and the angel perched high above

The turkeys and hams and holiday treats

Presents, trees, and eggnog

There was laughter and love

Games and hugs

But…

It’s mostly quiet now

As I often sit, thinking and wondering

Where have they gone?

My grandparents, parents, aunts, and uncles

It’s almost Christmas…

…and they’re no longer here.

 

Independence Day

This is the day we celebrate our country’s independence. Sure, we’ll enjoy cookouts, fireworks, watermelon, and fun in the sun. But there was a heavy price to pay for our precious freedom. So to those who served, and to those who still serve, we are forever grateful for the sacrifices you and your families have endured for us.

To the men and women who fought and died while serving this great country, please know that you’ll always be remembered as heroes and patriots.

Joe Bonsall of the Oak Ridge Boys sums it all up in the song he calls GI Joe and Lillie. Joe’s song is a story about his parents who both served in the military. It’s a love song. And it’s a song of hope and pride and happiness. It’s also a tale of sadness and tears. It’s the story of the backbone of America.

I’ve been on this earth for quite a while now, and I’ve never met anyone with a stronger love for this country than Joe Bonsall and his fellow Oaks—Duane Allen, William Lee Golden, and Richard Sterban.

Recently, Denene and I had the opportunity to enjoy a conversation with Joe during lunch, and it was a true pleasure to hear him speak candidly and lovingly of his family, his music career, and the good old U.S.A. Yes, he and his fellow Oaks are true Americans, through and through.

I invite you now to take a moment to listen as Joe and the Oaks perform GI Joe and Lillie. Also, please take second out of your day to remember the soldiers, past and present.

 

Sacrifice for me

“So I can live

In the Land Of Free

Raise my kids

Live my dreams

There’s a price

For liberty”

Here is a very special video presentation honoring the Sacrifice made by so many so that we can live in The LAND of FREE.

 

*As always, my thanks to Joe Bonsall for his unwavering, faithful support of our men and women in uniform. Joe’s love of our country is, and always will be, an inspiration.