The Graveyard Shift

Archive for the ‘Misc’ Category

The Graveyard Shift is just another blog to many of you. But if you could take a moment to step behind the curtain, you’d see that it’s actually much more than just a blog. There are dozens of people all across the country, Canada, and the UK, who give their time so the visitors to this site have the opportunity for an insider’s look into the world of cops and robbers. And, by writing this blog, I’ve had the pleasure of meeting some wonderful new friends. Here are a few of the people I called on when I needed information for my book (many of them have also contributed to this blog, and to your stories). By the way, many of these officers and experts have a hand in bringing you the Writers’ Police Academy. The first four (below) are chiefs of police who’ve been kind enough to allow us “inside” their departments over the years. They, and the rest who follow, well, they’re definitely some of my heroes.

Of course, there are many, many more, but these photos were the first in file. More to come…

Thank you all, for all you do.

*Please check the Writers’ Police Academy website and schedule. It is being updated almost daily.

Cops are often the target for some pretty nasty verbal ammunition. In fact, they endure some things that would make the average person explode into a fit of rage. But police officers have to stand there and take it. And always, without fail, officers should keep their anger in check, even when people say things like…

1. “I pay your salary, Barney Fife. So do your job and find the crook who stole the three dollars from the purse I left lying on the seat of my unlocked car.” These words often spill from the lips of unemployed crackheads and other folks who do not pay taxes.

2. “I called twenty minutes ago. Where’ve you been, eating donuts?” Normally spoken by 325 lb. geeky guys while standing in the foyer behind a locked screen door.

3. “I play golf with the chief and he’s going to hear about this tomorrow.” Words spoken by a great number of people who’ve been arrested for DUI on Friday night.

4. “I’ll slap you if I want to because I’m a woman and you can’t fight back. That’s the law.” See photo above. Enough said.

5. “What’cha gonna do, tough guy? There’s six of us and one of you.” Of course, the other five are standing behind this nutcase shaking their heads violently from side-to-side, indicating they don’t wish to support their friend during his sudden and foolish moment of mental breakdown.

6. “That badge don’t mean nuttin’ to me. Come and get me.” It’s at this point, and I’ve never figured out why, that the guy starts backing away while forcefully taking off his beer-stained “Keith Richards For President” or “I Love Chris Rock” t-shirt.

7. “Umm…there’s no need to tell my wife(husband) about this, is there?” Spoken by all the naked people caught in the backseats of cars on deserted, dead-end roads.

8. “I’m gonna %$^# your mama/wife/children/mother-in-law/family dog when I get out.” Cops hear this, and other combinations of the same thing, all the time. Spoken by every drunk in town.

9. “You no-neck son-of-a-bit**.” Again, spoken by everyone who blows over a .12 on the Breathalyzer.

10. “You and who else is taking me to jail? ‘Cause you ain’t man enough to arrest me.” These unfortunate words normally come from the smallest guy in the room, the guy who’s trying to impress his friends. And this is the guy who, when you make the move to handcuff him, flails his arms like a windmill, with fists balled up. He sometimes breaks down into some sort of martial arts stance. And, he often reaches into his pocket, pretending to go for a weapon that isn’t there. Luckily for these guys, the hospital is between the point of arrest and the county jail.

And, as a bonus, the ever popular…”I know my rights, Kojak. And my uncle’s barber’s sister’s husband’s third cousin used to clean the floors at a law school. So I’m suing your ass.” I think this is a phrase that’s taught in trailer-park school, sort of like the mobile-home anthem, or something, because that’s where you hear it most often.