In keeping with year-end tradition, Madam Zelda did a reading for us this morning and she’s confident 2017 will be fantastic. Here’s a list of her top twelve predictions. Believe me, she’s always right.
- Someone accidentally plays a Kayne West song in reverse and hears the star
sayadmit, “I can’t sing. Not a word. Not a note. Nope, can’t carry a tune, not even in a bucket.”
- Universities rush to create safe spaces for students traumatized by what they’ve seen and heard in other safe spaces (yes, coloring books, Play Dough, and tiny ponies can be scary).
- The Dictionary Police meet and officially ban the words, Bigly, Electoral College, Candidate, Fake News, Swamp, Email, Russia, Comey, Hacking, Polling, Weiner, and “War On …” (War on Drugs, War on Christmas, etc.).
- The U.S. wisely eliminates all elections. Future spots are to be filled by the winners of Rock, Paper, Scissors competitions. All decisions will be final. No recounts, lawsuits, or hacking attempts allowed. NO campaigning!!
- The Electoral College closes its doors and the entire campus is razed to make room for a trendy new Filibuster hamburger joint.
- California will do something stupid.
- The news media is shocked to learn that news is something that actually happens, not the fantasy or agenda that lives inside the minds of some “reporters.”
- Doctors discover a cure for social media.
- Rumor has it that someone could/might actually perform a country song at the 2017 Country Music Awards. This one is a stretch and probably will not happen.
- Amazon’s Alexa is set to become the first all-electronic mayor of a major U.S. city. She’s definitely qualified because her standard answer to tough questions is, “Hmm, I can’t find the answer to the question I heard.”
- A criminal will break the law and someone will be shocked that he did, and that someone will start a movement to ban whatever it was the criminal did even though there are 2 Tatrilliongazillion laws already on the books that … here it comes … already forbid the act.
- The 2017 Writers’ Police Academy is the biggest and best event we’ve ever produced! The lineup is over the moon exciting! And the keynote and special guest speakers … well, you asked and we delivered. But we’re keeping those details under wraps for now. A clue? Okay, here goes—TV series (plural), lots of bestselling books, actor, top expert, funny, rural, urban, tall, shorter, TV personality, and that’s enough for now. Besides, you’ve already guessed their names, right? No? Oh, I’m sorry, did I not mention the clue list was a combination of three people?
Anyway, I hope each of you finds the new year packed to the brim with good things for you and yours.
Happy New Year!
*By the way, January 2017 marks the 9th anniversary of this blog. It’s hard to believe nine years has passed by since the day I first gave blogging a try as a compliment to my book on police procedure. 2017 is also the 9th anniversary of the Writers’ Police Academy. Thanks so much for sticking with me all these years!