My goodness, where do we start? I know you’re always supposed to begin with something nice before dropping the bomb (pun intended), like Paula Abdul used to do on American Idol. Before telling some caterwauling off-key crooner they’d be better off cleaning sewers with a toothbrush than trying to sing for a living, Paula would offer a few kind words, like “Your one big ear looks exceptionally lovely tonight,” or “The color of your house is really nice.” So, I guess I should do the same, because this wasn’t pretty.
I could begin by saying, “At least Lainie Parrish wasn’t on the show.” But I’m thinking that might not have been a bad thing. In fact, an appearance by the M.E. would have been a huge improvement over the horrible condescending FBI character played by Dana Delaney. What a totally unbelievable person! Hers was the worst character to have ever appeared on this series. I simply could not get into the show at all knowing that every single word out of her mouth was going to be irritating, or something totally false about police work. And that’s a shame, because I normally enjoy the banter between Beckett and Castle. I also like the heat that’s generated between those two. But not in these two episodes. I simply could not get past this totally unrealistic FBI person.
Oh, I’d better say this again before my email box fills with threats and nasty notes. This review is strictly about the POLICE PROCEDURE used on the show. Yes, I do know the show is fiction. No, I’m not trying to get the show canceled. No, I do not hate any of the actors or writing staff. We do this review because people asked us to write them. They wanted to know if what they see on this show is true, or not. They wanted to know if cops really do the things they see on Castle? Well, our job was very easy this week and last, because basically nothing you saw in either episode was realistic. Horrible is the word that comes to mind.
Anyway, let’s have a look.
- I think everyone predicted that Beckett had weathered out the explosion by taking cover in her bathtub, which is exactly what happened. I suppose that could work. Why not? In the first season someone drowned in a bathtub filled with motor oil.
- Not-So-Special Agent Shaw tells Beckett, “My rules. You do what I say, when I say it, and how I say it.” Puleeze…The FBI has absolutely no authority over local law enforcement officers. None. Take a hike, woman. And take that magic board with you, too.
- Agent Shaw (rolling my eyes) pokes around the mounds of burned-beyond-recognition debris in Beckett’s apartment and comes up with a pea-size piece of evidence—the thing that caused the explosion. What exactly is this so-called agent’s job? Is she a profiler or an arson expert? What led her to the spot where she found the evidence? You don’t just dig through ash at random. There are specific clues—telltale signs— that lead investigators to the hot spots.
- I actually laughed out loud when I saw the bullet clinging to the brick wall in a huge circle of bright red blood that looked as if someone had spray-painted it there. The tip of the round was barely damaged and didn’t even chip the soft brick. It was just…well, stuck there. The crime scenes in Who Framed Roger Rabbit were more believable. And that blood…give me a break. Why are they suddenly dumbing down this show? Is there a No Viewer Left Behind program we didn’t know about?
- Beckett and Castle go into a bar (nope, not the opening of a joke) and see a huge banner advertising the serial killer. Beckett tells the barkeep she has to take it down because the case is still ongoing. What? The police don’t have that authority. Not yet, anyway.
- The goofy FBI surveillance team surrounds the killer’s apartment. Sure, they’re all in undercover garb, dressed as restaurant customers, letter carriers, etc., but they each have those wacky earpieces hanging from their heads, and their actions are as obvious as sore thumbs. And it got worse when Beckett announces that she’s seen the guy on the roof. The UC’s (undercover) immediately begin reaching for their weapons and talking into hidden microphones. Well, the killer is no dummy. He picked up on those not-so-subtle movements right away and flees.
- Agent Shaw tells Beckett she’s off the case. Beckett’s captain even backs the FBI agent’s order. Again, she has no authority over Beckett. In fact, the case should have been Beckett’s to work, not the FBI’s.
- The captain tells Beckett she’s too close to the case to be involved. This much was true. She shouldn’t have been involved in the investigation once it was known that she was the target.
- Well, it looks like Beckett borrowed Lainie Parrish’s crystal ball. Somehow, she magically knew, from looking at a couple of blood drops on the ceiling of Agent Shaw’s SUV, that the agent had elbowed her kidnapper, giving him a bloody nose. The attacker then recoiled from the pain, which caused blood from his nose to spurt onto the ceiling of the car. Then, Beckett tracked huge blood puddles to a couple of tires tracks on the pavement. Beckett then said, “He had a gun on her and forced her to a waiting car.” How did she know he had a gun? Why not a knife? Or a slingshot? Or nothing?
- What can I say about the FBI’s magic board that was able to locate the killer’s hideout using a blurry image of a bridge tower outside a window. Perhaps someone should type in Bin Laden’s name. I’m sure Agent Shaw would have him in custody in a matter of minutes. Seriously, the thing that bothered me most about this can-do-everything board was that it was a cheating tool for the writers. They didn’t have to put forth any effort to solve the crime. When they reached a point where they wanted to be lazy they merely had the agent consult the magic mirror for answers. We were cheated.
- Who didn’t see the totally predictable ending coming our way—the agent getting rescued by Castle and Beckett with Castle shooting the suspect? Castle shooting the gun out of the guy’s hand was silly, but it wasn’t as ridiculous as the rest of the show.
By the way, Castle said he was aiming for the guy’s head when he shot the gun out of the guy’s hand, right? If that was the case, chances are he’d have missed entirely because guns tend to rise when fired, especially when they’re fired by someone who’s not used to shooting.
I really feel bad that I had nothing good to say about these last two episodes. I’m sure there was something in all the hogwash that was worth watching, but I couldn’t seem to see around the FBI agent. Besides, she really made Beckett seem submissive, which should have never happened.
And, the agent’s duties were all wrong, her equipment was silly, and she was overboard obnoxious and condescending. To me, the killer was much nicer. I’d rather endure two root canals than watch another show featuring her character. I certainly hope we never see her again.
I know, let’s ask the guys what they thought about these two episodes…
That’s what I thought.