13 Wacky Statements Made To Me By Speeders

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Police officers often hear people say the darndest things, and speeders are no exception to the rule. In fact, they’re often the most creative when spouting off excuses for driving too fast. Here are just a few of the comments made to me during my days working patrol and traffic assignments.

1. “Hey, pal. I’m a police officer. Want to see my shield?”

2. “I was speeding because I really needed to pee. Not anymore, though. Now my seat’s wet and it’s your fault.”

3. “105 in a 55? You’re kidding, right? What about the car that passed me?”

4. “Maybe if I take off my sunglasses you’ll recognize me. I’m pretty big around Nashville.”

5. “Do you know who I am?”

6. “There’s a place for people like you. It’s called hell.”

7. “You’re stopping me for going a little over the speed limit? That’s it? You don’t want to search my car for drugs, or anything? Not that I have any, mind you.”

8. “How many of you little piggies does it take to eat a box of doughnuts?”

9. “Isn’t there something we could do to make this like it never happened?”

10. “I’m not signing this thing. Wait, what happens if I don’t sign. Arrest? So I sign there, right?”

11. “My uncle is the county sheriff in ****, Texas. You can’t give me a ticket. Haven’t you rednecks ever heard of professional courtesy?”

12. “I’m in a hurry because the ship will not wait for me. They have to get back to their planet before morning.”

13. You’re pissing me off.”

Hamilton One 125

15 thoughts on “13 Wacky Statements Made To Me By Speeders

  • Andrea

    I love the arrangement: radar on top, excuses in the middle, cuffs going on at bottom. :-)

    I bet cops hear some really dreadful excuses. At least the funny ones would help relieve the tedium of the bad ones.

  • Liz Straw

    I know of a person who received a speeding ticket in a construction zone, several miles over the limit. When the officer pulled the person over, the person held up a finger for him to wait and finished the phone call they were on. Yes, this person made the police officer stand in the interstate, in a construction zone, at night while finishing a telephone call. The person was lucky, it was before talking on a cellphone while drive became illegal. Yes, the reason for speeding was talking on the phone and not paying attention.

  • Lee Lofland

    I wasn’t sure anyone would catch the order of things in the post, Andrea. Good job. By the way, I often hide “things” (some obvious and others not) within my blog posts, and this is the first time in over 6 years that anyone mentioned one.

  • Marcy

    Lee, I’ve had a lot of LEOs in my family over the year. I’ve heard some doozies. Thanks for sharing! Love your blog.

  • Lee Lofland

    Liz, the officer was far more patient than I would’ve been. You know, anything that could distract the driver from focusing on the road could be an offense. Cell phone use, even before their use was deemed illegal in many areas, is one of those things. The officer could have issued a summons for reckless/distracted driving (or something similar, depending on local law) in addition to speeding.

    Thanks, Marcy.

  • Daniel Smith

    I think excuse #9 was made popular by Gilbert Gottfried in the movie Beverly Hills Cop II. Ironic that people think that stuff might work in real life.

    #8 is just insulting. Thank you again for your years of service. You guys don’t get thanked enough.

  • Lee Lofland

    #9 is used far more often than you’d think, and it’s been around as long as speeders have been speeding. Normally the offender makes the statement while winking, blinking, purring, hiking up a hemline, and/or crying.

    Oh, yeah, it’s also a tactic used by women, in addition to the “sweethearts” mentioned above.

  • Bill Hopkins

    I’ve heard some wacky ones:

    “My cruise control was on!”

    “My speedometer was broken!”

    “I was passing a car!” (two way road)

    That last one earned, “You were speeding while driving in the wrong lane? I should double your fine!”

  • Lee Lofland

    I’ve heard those, too, Bill.

  • E.S. Abramson

    My father was caught speeding on his way to the cemetery where my uncle was to be buried. When the cop stopped him he said, “I’m late for a funeral.” The cop replied, “Keep speeding I’ll be going to your funeral.”

  • Hannah Jayne

    I was in traffic school (yes, I was speeding) with a woman who was ticketed for driving while distracted. The distraction? “The lights on the top of the police car.”

  • Bob Sanders

    I got a ticket the other morning driving to a job interview – and let me tell you what I told the cop who stopped me – “Yes sir I was going fast. No sir I understand I broke the limit. Where do I sign, and when does it have to be paid?”

    I guess I showed him who was doing their job!!

    Thanks to all the true Law Enforcers who take the risks so I don’t have to!

    – Bob

  • SZ

    AZ has a stupid motorist law (28-910) however it is related to driving into flooded areas. This needs to be more wide spread as to what it covers.

    Cats out of the bag now Lee ! We will be lurking in posts for hidden gems ;7

  • Melanie Atkins

    The one and only time I ever got a ticket (50 in a 35), I told the cop, “The speed limit on this road is way too low.” He agreed, but said, “If you’d only been going 10 over, I would’ve let it slide.” I know the speed I was going sounds fast, but apparently we were right. That area is relatively uninhabited, and the posted speed limit has been raised to 45.

  • Mike

    When I was 18 and in the Marine Corps, I was travelling from Wilmington, NC on Hwy 76. I was driving a Plymouth Sundance and a NC Highway Patrol lit me up. I pulled over. He walked up and asked the immortal question, “Do you know how fast you were going?” To that I replied, “No sir, I don’t.” He said, “What’s your rush?” I said, “No rush. But you know how there are songs on the radio that make you drive fast. ALL THREE songs that make me drive fast came on the radio back to back to back.” He laughed and said he clocked me at 107 in a 55! My reply, “WOW, I didn’t know this car would do that! I am impressed.” He wrote the ticket for 88 in a 55 so he didn’t have to take me to jail for wreckless driving.

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