“Based on lividity and body temp, blah, blah, She bled out, blah, blah, and blah…,” Voodoo Doctor/M.E. Lanie
Many Castle fans are raving about this week’s episode, the first of 2016 after an unbelievably long winter hiatus. Mainly because Rick and Kate are back together in private. Hallelujah! Even with that lovely development, however, I’m not so enthused. Sure, I loved the tiny glimpses they gave us of them when they were alone, when they acted like the in-love couple we’ve come to know and adore. The rest of the show, however? With them fake-fighting at the precinct and pretending to date the fictional Svetlana and Dr. Livingstone? No. Just… NO.
Ryan and Esposito (who are detectives, I might add) must be complete morons to not have already caught on. I mean, please. The names Rick and Kate chose for their “new flames” should be enough to tip off the boys, but if not, the couple’s silly over-acting should give away their whole crazy scheme. The writers should be lined up and shot for continuing this charade, and I learned yesterday it will go on until episode 16. Holy moly! Even this loyal Castle fan isn’t sure she can stomach this stupidity for that long.
The case had promise and I did enjoy some of the a capella singing, but IMHO it went on much too long. This is a crime drama, not a musical. And when Espo broke into song to question one of the singers, I almost got up and left the room. Sure, Jon Huertes (Espo) sings in real life, has an album out, and has even joined with Seamus Deaver (Ryan) to form a duo, but this show is not the right venue to promote this venture.
Please, Castle writers and showrunners: Put us out of our misery and give us back the show we know and love, with Rick and Kate together solving cases without all the silly pretense and stupid, contrived storylines.
I’ll begin my portion of what will be a very brief review of the police procedure, forensics, evidence, interview and interrogations, etc., by saying this episode was horrible. From beginning to end, it was rotten to its snoozefest core. The writing. The cheesy acting. And the dumb case. All horrible. I don’t understand why the powers to be let it happen to what was once a really fun show.
The actors are great. They, when allowed to, play the parts of police officers/investigators as well as any actors around (with the exception of the former cast of Southland). But, for some unholy reason—
Wait a minute! Maybe… Just maybe… Could it be this simple? The cure? Yes, I’m convinced of it. The show needs a good, old-fashioned head-spinning, pea-soup-puking, exorcism to rid itself of the demons who’ve possessed it for so long.
An exorcism to purge itself of boilerplate scripts, goofy scenes where detectives investigating murders engage in singing battles with homicide suspects, a husband and wife cannot live as husband and wife out of fear of some sort gloom and doom death plot, yet they sleep together, work together, hang out together…everything but say, “we’re married.” Speaking of boilerplate scripts, who didn’t know the ID of killer the moment we saw him on the screen, sitting there with that flashing red neon “I’m the Killer” sign hanging above his head.
So, Castle, a non-cop, is forbidden to work cases and to be at the precinct. However, he continues to lead investigations, interrogate suspects, search property, engage with murder suspects, tromp around inside crime scenes, and, well, it’s just dumb. The original premise of this show, the reason everyone fell for it, was that Castle, a writer (remember when he was a writer?) tagged along with Beckett for fodder for his fiction. You know, much like each of you who attend the Writers’ Police Academy, which, by the way, is over the top FANTASTIC this year (Registration opens at noon EST on February 21st. Slots go extremely fast so be at your computer and ready to sign up the moment the clock strikes 12).
Sorry, I was distracted there for a moment, thinking about the absolutely thrilling Writers’ Police Academy. But back to the show…
So, Castle and Alexis head over to an abandoned mall to do a bit of super-snooping. The place is spooky and definitely empty. So empty, in fact, that even the viewers at home heard the echoes of tiny rat toenails clicking and ticking against the concrete as the hairy, flea- and plague-infested rodents scurried about the place. It was so silent and still that (here comes a blast of sarcasm, so duck) Castle and Alexis couldn’t hear a few dozen kids singing their lungs out in the next section that was mere feet away from them. A section that, by the way, was separated from them by only a thin curtain. And, apparently that magically soundproof curtain also blocked the smell and smoke that poured into the air from two very large bonfires. Yeah, DUMB.
One last point before I try to erase this particular episode from my mind. Castle, when assisting the NYPD with cases, is acting as their agent. Therefore, he cannot do things on his own, for the benefit if the police, such as search homes and businesses and hack into the internet accounts of criminal suspects. It’s illegal, and anything he discovered while doing those things would not be allowed as evidence. Fruit of a Poisonous Tree is what that’s called—evidence obtained during a violation of the 4th Amendment.
And, after watching this show, that’s exactly how I feel…violated. My trees have been poisoned.
It’s video training day!
1. Fingerprint ridge builder and cleaner – a liquid or lotion-type product applied to fingertips. The substance temporarily puffs up ridges enabling the officer to obtain a much clearer print from the elderly or people with damaged ridge structure, such a brick layers or others who work with their hands.
2. Evidence weapons boxes are used to safely store and transport weapons recovered from crime scenes and from criminal suspects.
3. Crime Scene Evidence Collection Vehicle – What’s inside of those CSI vehicles? Well…
4. Miranda and Interview and Interrogation. Here’s a video by 2016 WPA instructor Mike Knetzger.
*It’s almost here! Writers’ Police Academy registration opens February 21st at noon EST! Be ready because slots fill QUICKLY!
After a long day of shooting guns, explosions, murder scenes, helicopters landing right in front of you, touring a maximum security prison, driving police cars while in pursuit of bad guys, seeing police K-9’s playing “fetch” with fleeing crooks, kicking in doors to search for armed robbers, collecting crime scene evidence, testifying in court, investigating an arson, and all of the other cool and thrilling events in store for you at the 2016 Writers’ Police Academy, well, we know you’ll want to relax in style. And we, knowing writers as we do, have the perfect place to do just that…our wonderful event hotel, the Radisson Hotel and Conference Center, Green Bay.
Yes, once the day’s activities wind down you’ll want to have a nice meal and a glass or two of wine, or a drink. Enjoy the company of your friends while sitting around the fireplace or in either of the several lounge areas.
Perhaps you prefer to sip a few drinks at one of several bars and lounges.
Or, maybe you’ll want to head down the beautifully decorated hallway to the casino where you can finish the day playing your favorite games or sample the fare at one of the several restaurants and/or bars located there.
By the way, the Noodle Bar and Lombardi’s Legendary Sports Bar & Grill located inside the Oneida Casino both receive rave reviews.
Maybe you and your friends and/or family prefer to enjoy the indoor swimming pool and spa.
Or, you may simply want to head to your well-appointed room for some quiet time watching TV, reading, or writing. Guest rooms, by the way, are located in Towers One and Two, well away from the pool, lounges, restaurants, and casino.
Of course, when it comes to our popular banquet and reception, well, the food and setting are both superb.
We negotiated an excellent room rate for the 2016 WPA ($123) per night. Your room reservation also includes free breakfasts each day of the event, free WiFi, and shuttle service to and from the Green Bay airport, which, by the way, is a mere ten minute drive from the hotel.
So, as you see, we believe you should be pampered. And all of this on TOP of a thrilling, heart-pounding four days of action and excitement!
Yes, the is indeed THE event of the year!
*Update – 2-5-16 at 2:42 EST.
I just got off the phone with our happy and excited hotel sales rep and she said our block is already filling fast, and we haven’t opened registration yet! My advice is to reserve your rooms right away before they’re gone! Yes, the WPA is that popular!
Each year, the Writers’ Police Academy offers and presents a program that’s designed especially for writers. In fact, we build the WPA around you, your needs as a writer, and to answer your questions and help with your works-in-progress.
We don’t use the WPA to promote ourselves or our work. There are no classes about writing or panels of agents and editors. There is no pressure to pitch your books, or to impress agents, editors, or fellow writers. No author panels or…well, you get the idea. The WPA is not a typical writers conference.
Instead, the Writers’ Police Academy is all about you interacting one-on-one with cops, firefighters, EMS personnel, forensics experts, and shooting guns, driving police cars while chasing bad guys, investigating homicides, helicopters, dogs, arson, ballistics (this is typically a “for law enforcement eyes only” workshop, so it’s super cool that you have an inside track), touring a maximum security prison (you’re going in the section where others do not dare!), an insider session about the Steven Avery case, and much, much more!
Simply put, the Writers’ Police Academy delivers what other events simply cannot.
The WPA is now in its 8th year of providing stellar workshops and only the best of the best instructors and experts. The event is thrilling and packed with heart-pounding action, but we also make certain that our attendees are pampered, as you should be. You guys work hard at your craft and the fruits of your labor are extremely obvious by the numbers of great books published each year.
Actually, we’re taking the pampering thing to another level this year. Our event hotel is extremely nice and well-appointed, and it features several restaurants and bars. AND, the fabulous Oneida Casino is inside the hotel!
By the way, the WPA’s low registration fee of only $395 includes all workshops, the Friday night reception, lunches at the academy, transportation to the academy and back to the hotel each day, and transportation to off-site workshops and session. Your hotel reservation also includes free WiFi, shuttle service to and from the airport, and breakfast each morning during the event. It’s a fantastic deal! And, Sisters in Crime is offering a huge discount to their members attending the WPA for the first time.
And, Tami Hoag is our 2016 Guest of Honor!
The Agatha nominees were released this week and the Edgar nominees not long before, and each of those lists of stars included the names of numerous WPA alumni. In my heart I know the WPA probably played at least a small role in the development of those stories.
Her inspiration for an earlier bestseller came to her while attending a Writers’ Police Academy.
Each time I hear one of these tales of how the WPA helped someone better themselves as a writer, and it is often, believe me, I feel like a proud parent who watched his child receive an award, or graduate from high school or college.
So yes, you are why we continue to push our boundaries to even higher limits, and this year, well, we’ve gone over the moon crazy. The 2016 WPA is the biggest and best we’ve ever produced, and that’s saying a lot.
We are grateful for your continued support. Without you and our loyal sponsors we couldn’t do what we do. So, it’s that’s time of the year again when I reach out to ask for your help. We rely on the generosity of writers, businesses, and individuals for support. Therefore, we humbly request that you sign on as a WPA sponsor at one of the levels listed below. Once you’ve selected your desired level please visit the Writers’ Police Academy’s Become a Sponsor page to complete the transaction.
We deeply appreciate your support! And, of course, a special thanks to each of you who’ve supported us in the past and continue to do so today.
Levels of Sponsorship
WPA Hero – $20,000 and above
Contact us for details
Gold Shield – $15,000
Contact us for details
Silver Star – $10,000
Contact us for details
Medal of Valor– $5,000
– Sponsor our guest of honor, Tami Hoag! Sponsor receives one-year WPA website ad that includes a link to your website and your author photo, a six-month book cover ad on The Graveyard Shift blog, an author table at the hotel during registration/check-in, free registration and a guaranteed spot at the WPA that includes a free banquet ticket and WPA t-shirt. Includes a feature article about you and your latest book on the Graveyard Shift blog. Your name will be listed on the WPA website and in the program guide naming you as sponsoring Tami Hoag.
Commissioner – $1,000
– Sponsor a workshop or presenter! Receives one-year WPA website ad, link to your website, and author photo, six-month book cover ad on The Graveyard Shift blog, and a guaranteed spot at the WPA that includes a free banquet ticket. And, your name will be listed in the event program guide beside the name of the instructor or session you elected to sponsor!
Chief of Detectives – $500
– Sponsor a presenter! Receives WPA website ad, link to your website, author photo, and a six-month book cover ad on The Graveyard Shift blog (worldwide audience). And, your name will be listed in the event program guide beside the name of the instructor you elected to sponsor!
Major – $250
Buy the ammo! Funds generated at this level of sponsorship go toward WPA supplies and materials, such as ammunition used on the firing ranges. Sponsors receive WPA website ad, link to your website, author photo, and your name (sponsored by) listed in the event program guide beside one of the live fire courses.
Captain – $100
– Sponsorship receives thumbnail book cover and link on WPA website.
Friends of the WPA – $50 and below
– your name listed on the sponsor page.
Again, we thank you for your support!
President George W. Bush created the Department of Homeland Security, a move that merged several agencies under a single umbrella—Coast Guard, National Guard, FEMA, Customs and Border Patrol, TSA, Secret Service, and a gaggle of other three-letter agencies, with the exceptions of the FBI and CIA.
This move was supposed to create a safer America—“a concerted national effort to prevent terrorist attacks within the United States, reduce America’s vulnerability to terrorism, and minimize the damage and recover from attacks that do occur,” according to the National Strategy for Homeland Security.
Well, here’s a bit of Homeland Security news that just might give you reason to scratch your head and wonder…
1. During the past 31 months, over 1,300 Homeland Security badges and official credentials have been lost or stolen. These were not items kept in a warehouse, though. Instead, they were the ID’s and badges issued to active-duty agents. 165 department firearms are also missing (lost or stolen). Antonio Ramos, a muralist, was killed in Oakland last November. The weapon used to commit the murder was stolen a couple of months earlier from an ICE officer in San Francisco.
2. The BioWatch program is an initiative of Homeland Security. Its purpose is to detect the release of pathogens into the air as part of a terrorist attack on major American cities. Now, I’m slightly familiar with this program, and Denene is extremely familiar with it. The concept is great. The program works, and it works well.
What? You didn’t know there are “sniffers” in position all across the U.S., especially in cities that are particularly attractive targets for terrorists? Well, they’re out there and there are plenty of them, you just don’t recognize them because they’re mingled in with all of the other hardware attached to every piece of vacant space on telephone poles and other such city or utility real estate.
Since terrorists seem to set their sites on gatherings of large crowds, such as the Super Bowl, Homeland Security decided to place a few portable sniffer boxes in and around downtown San Francisco in advance of the big game next Sunday. I know, the game will be played in Santa Clara, not San Francisco. Santa Clara, by the way, is actually 40 miles away from San Francisco, a distance that can sometimes take a couple of hours to travel if the freeway traffic is in full bloom.
Anyway, Homeland Security officials placed portable sniffers throughout downtown San Francisco, and they chained the boxes to light poles. To power the units they ran the electrical cords to the power poles and tapped into city current.
Now, I’m no rocket scientist, but I believe anyone who can figure out how to plug-in and unplug a basic toaster could surmise that cutting the cord or pulling the plug on this high-tech toxin detector would be all that’s needed to set an evil plan into motion. And we mustn’t forget that the game, and the crowd associated with it, will be some 40 miles away. Therefore, I’m thinking the only “sniffs” these boxes will detect will be those of wino urine and pot smoke (those of you who’ve visited San Francisco will understand). And that’s if the boxes are still plugged in on the day of the game. Hmm…a pair of bolt cutters for the cables and officials may find a couple of these diamond-plate boxes for sale in local pawn shops or in the back of a contractor’s truck being used as a toolbox.
Hey, I know. A crook could steal two or three and use them to store all those missing badges and guns.
A final thought…do you suppose the boxes are nothing more than decoys, mere empty shells used to fool potential terrorists. Nah…those cowards wouldn’t care if the boxes were there or not. Besides, by the time the sniffers detected a harmful toxin in the area, the people around it would already be toast (notice how I used “toast” to tie in with the earlier reference to “toaster?”). However, an alert from these mini tool boxes would provide ample time to save the politicians who will probably not set foot anywhere near these things.
So, do you feel safer now?
Blue lights. Sirens. Guns. Knives. Handcuffs. High speed pursuits. Foot chases. Barking and snarling dogs.
Think those are the only calls cops respond to during their shifts? Well, it’s not all action. For example, this happened…
1. Officers arrested Ms. Dusty Rae Ingram and then delivered her to the county jail for safekeeping. During the booking process jail officials discovered a bag of prescription pills tucked away inside Ms. Ingram’s…uh…private parts. When questioned, the absent-minded Dusty told the officers she usually kept those pills in her purse and she had no idea how they found their way to her genitals.
2. Police were dispatched to investigate a suspicious man who was possibly not wearing pants while crawling along a city sidewalk. When officers arrived they found the man hiding beneath a van. He was indeed naked from the waist down.
3. Police in Florida stopped a young man for a traffic infraction. During the stop the driver attempted to hide what officers described as a “Batman bag.” Officers asked the man to retrieve the bag from beneath the seat and he told them he couldn’t show it to them because it contained something “bad.” He was right. The bag contained Xanax pills and a scale commonly used for weighing narcotics. To add to his troubles, the driver had apparently spilled marijuana on himself because small bits of pot leaves were discovered clinging to his shirt.
4. Police at a Greenacres substation noticed a strange vehicle parked in the lot and went out to investigate. They discovered a man asleep behind the wheel with the motor running. The roused him and asked why he was there. The man told them he was drunk and tired. Officers kindly provided a better place for the driver to “sleep it off.”
5. Police officers were called to a bar to break up a fight between intoxicated patrons. One of the tough and rowdy fighters spit on the responding officers who then promptly arrested him. The brawler then began to bawl like a baby. During his uncontrollable crying spree he told officers he couldn’t go to jail because he’d just gotten out.
Other reports include:
– Two men knocking on doors asking people, in English, if they spoke French.
– A couple fighting because their dog died.
– A woman dialed 911 because her taxi driver was yelling at her.
– A woman called 911 because prices at her local produce stand were too high.
– Officers were called to assist a parent who couldn’t get their child to go to bed.
– A woman called 911 to report a fire in her living room. Officers responded and explained that the flame she saw inside her kerosene heater was necessary to heat the home.
– A caller advised police that a dog had defecated in her yard even after she’d asked it nicely to not do it.
– A man called 911 to report suspicious items in his mailbox. Officers responded and discovered the items to be…mail.
– A man reported seeing a male subject exposing himself repeatedly to a woman seated in a parked car in the lot of a convenience store. After a brief investigation officers learned the woman was the store manager and the male subject, who was wearing only an overcoat, was her husband.
– People yelling in a field were found to playing a game that required participants to yell.
– A caller reported seeing footprints on his front porch for several days in a row. Police discovered the prints were left by the mailman.
– A 911 caller reported seeing a strange rock in his driveway.
– A woman called police to report seeing an open door at a residence in her neighborhood. Police responded and closed the door.
– Police were called because animal control would not respond to a sighting of an unruly groundhog.
– A concerned citizen called police to report possible terrorist activity at their neighbor’s home. The caller told the dispatcher a male subject was using a device to spray some sort of deadly toxin. Police arrived and spoke to the exterminator who’d been hired to rid the property of unwanted ants. His truck with a giant rubber bug on the rooftop was parked in the driveway. If only there’d been a clue…